We have aspirations, expectations, desires, which, when frustrated, or delayed, (which is often the same thing), lead to anxiety and/or depression, alcoholism, drug addiction and a long list of symptoms associated with these types of responses to our situation which began as a combination of aspirations, expectations and desires. We would be better off if we only had a bit of curiosity. Like, "I wonder what I would enjoy doing?" And see where that leads. I can watch YouTube videos, say, on DIY small engine repair, or trench drain installation, and know that isn't it. I can rule out a lot of things without ever getting my hands dirty. If it involves getting my hands dirty, it isn't for me. And knitting isn't for me, although my hands stay clean. But I'm not wondering how to get wealthy. I am wondering what I would love to do. What can I do with all my heart? Photography and writing pop to mind. And getting to the bottom of things. And seeing what's what in a situation... Before I know it, I am swimming in an ocean of things I enjoy doing. And it turns out that I could make enough money doing some of them to pay the bills, and I paid the bills to do some of the things that didn't make any money at all. I'm hunching the same thing would apply to you. Start with what you love to do and see where it goes.
True belief and genuine faith are encased in denial. They are not only belief/faith IN something, they are also belief/faith IN SPITE of something else, namely a four-engine freight train hauling car loads of solid evidence to the contrary. Robb Elementary and Sandy Hook and all the other stupid, senseless murders and vicious acts of mayhem are part of a forever train filled with examples of how we would be as well off with a God who hated us as we are with a God who reportedly loves us. A God of love would have to do better than this, or part with the brand. And this is where that God parts ways with The Mystery at the Heart of Life and Being. Put all you have ever been told about God, including what's in the Bible, in the burning barrel and embrace The Mystery-- because all we can say about The Mystery is that it is all Mystery, and we don't have to say anything to explain, defend, justify, excuse The Mystery because it's all Mystery. And along with embracing The Mystery, embrace sincerity and integrity, honesty and forthrightness. Embrace your own original nature and the virtues that come with you from the womb. Embrace emptiness, stillness and silence. Embrace The Sermon on the Mount, the Parable of the Prodigal Son, the Parable of the Good Samaritan, and the bit in Matthew 25 about "Inasmuch as you have done it, or failed to do it, to the least of my brothers and sisters, you have done it, or failed to do it, unto me." And let these texts be your guiding lights in determining how to conduct yourself in relationship with yourself and all sentient beings. Believe that it matters how you live, and live in ways that bring forth your original nature and your innate virtues in doing what needs to be done, where, when and how it needs to be done, in each situation as it arises no matter what, and let that be that. Live how it suits you in right relationship with The Mystery, recognizing how we are all immersed in Mystery from birth to death and beyond, and honor The Mystery with all your life and being, in all you say and do.
If we lived as though it is all up to us, we would do it differently than we do it waiting on God to take care of us. It is all up to us! We are killing the environment. We are killing each other with "Guns for everybody! Come get your guns! You can't have enough guns!" There is no divine intervention to keep us from driving off the cliff into oblivion. It is all up to us! If Republicans are elected children will die from gunshot wounds. People of all ages will die from gunshot wounds. We elect Republicans. We do it to ourselves. It is all up to us! What we do matters! How we live matters! The choices we make matters! We cannot live as though someone is going to pick up after us, or sweep the path before us. How we live in our present determines how our future will be. It is all up to us!