September 23-B, 2022

Sandy Stream Pond Rocks Oil Paint Rendered — Baxter State Park, Millinocket, Maine
I live in the service of reducing
noise and complexity,
seeing/hearing/understanding/knowing/
doing/being,
and letting nature take its course,
letting things fall out around that,
waiting for the door to open
and walking through
to more of the same.

The things that strike me
as a good idea change over time.
In light of changing abilities
and interest.

I am not in charge of my abilities 
and interest,
or what a good idea is or isn't.

I am in charge of the way I see things
to the extent that I am aware of it,
call it into question,
hold it up to the light,
and I change my mind as needed
all of the time.

Mine is not a model/template for doing it,
except for the part about working it out
on my own over time,
and not living to make anyone happy
with the way I do it.

I don't have much room in my life
for "Why?"
I don't know why.
And don't care why.
I cannot defend/explain/justify/excuse
anything I do or leave undone.

It is possible that everyone
has lived/is living their life
better that I have lived/am living mine.
I am not in it for prizes and recognition.
I just meet the day as best I can
and dance with it into tomorrow.
And do it again with another day.
And let nature take its course.
When it is done,
that will be that.
And I will regret 10,000 things,
things I wish I had done better,
hoping for another chance
to get it right.
All the way.

I know I could do better
with more time,
and less noise.

Published by jimwdollar

I'm retired, and still finding my way--but now, I don't have to pretend that I know what I'm doing. I retired after 40.5 years as a minister in the Presbyterian Church USA, serving churches in Louisiana, Mississippi and North Carolina. I graduated from Austin Presbyterian Theological Seminary, in Austin, Texas, and Northwestern State University in Natchitoches, Louisiana. My wife, Judy, and I have three daughters and five granddaughters within about twenty minutes from where we live--and are enjoying our retirement as much as we have ever enjoyed anything.

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