January 30, 2026

The phrase, “after a certain age,” is one that is used frequently in doctors’ offices after a certain age. It means “these things can be expected,” “this symptom is not unusual,” “don’t let it bother you”… Those Who Know Best don’t talk to you that way in your 40’s and 50’s, but by your mid-seventies, it’s common parlance. My experience with the experience of “after a certain age” is that things can’t be trusted to be what we think they ought to be. Our daily flow, the process of getting dressed and ready for the day, the things that came naturally, easily, falling into place in regular order like they always have becomes uncertain, irregular, new, and people who know you can’t trust you to be you. “It’s a new world, Golda.” And nothing can prepare you for it. It is a mental fog where reasoning doesn’t work like it once did, and someone needs to tell you, “First your pants, then your shoes,” frequently enough to be bothersome. Frequently enough to be concerning to the point of not being able to trust yourself to know what you are doing, saying, talking about, and you fade into the background and just try to stay out of the way. “after a certain age,” you begin to gradually disappear before you are actually gone.

I cope with it by being interested in it, attending it, the experience of fading away before my own eyes, wondering what I won’t be able to trust today. Curious about when I should stop driving before it’s too late and I should have stopped a month ago. As it is, I wake up wondering what I will not remember today. Entertaining myself that way.