August 19-D, 2022

Uptick Gold-n-Bronze Coreopsis Oil Paint Rendered
Sex can be a lot of fun,
but it can also get in the way.

Sex has no necessary connection 
with intimacy--
though it is often referred to 
as "an intimate relationship."

Too often, it is a way of avoiding intimacy.
We go to sex to keep from being known.
Being known in the Biblical sense
is being concealed in the psychological/emotional sense.
We will resort to anything
to keep from being exposed/revealed--
when the true goal of life
is to exhibit/reveal/incarnate/disclose/make known
who we are and what we are about,
what is ours to do.
Hiding from that is detrimental 
to our health and well-being,
and the end of life,
though we might remain 98.6 and ambulatory for years.

Intimacy is being seen, heard, known,
to the heart and core of our being.
Few of us have ever experienced 
that kind of intimacy.
Yet, without it, we remain an enigma to ourselves.

We have to be seen in a way
that enables/allows us to see ourselves.
To be heard in a way
that enables/allows us to hear ourselves.
To be known in a way
that enables/allows us to know ourselves.

Psychotherapy can do that,
but the ease with which psycotherapy
goes over into sex (Transference and Counter-transference)
is evidence of the blurry nature of the line
between intimacy and sex.
And in which knowing and being known
can be the heart of a thoroughly healthy
sexual relationship.
But, sex can also knock us off the track/path
and out of the flow of knowing ourselves
and being true to who we are 
and what is ours to do.

Everything about sex and intimacy 
so that we are not kidding ourselves,
or telling ourselves what we want to hear.

This gets us to the most important thing:

If we aren't doing that--
if everything we say and do is not
an aspect of that--
we are kidding ourselves
and concealing from ourselves
the truth of our own being/doing.

How do we knock ourselves off track?
We have to be alert to all the ways,
and catch ourselves in the act
of blind-siding ourselves,
using that as an entry point 
in unveiling another layer of refusing
to face the truth of who we are
and what is ours to do.

We are our own worst enemy,
and have to be alert to our own tricks
of self-deception
all of the time.


Published by jimwdollar

I'm retired, and still finding my way--but now, I don't have to pretend that I know what I'm doing. I retired after 40.5 years as a minister in the Presbyterian Church USA, serving churches in Louisiana, Mississippi and North Carolina. I graduated from Austin Presbyterian Theological Seminary, in Austin, Texas, and Northwestern State University in Natchitoches, Louisiana. My wife, Judy, and I have three daughters and five granddaughters within about twenty minutes from where we live--and are enjoying our retirement as much as we have ever enjoyed anything.

5 thoughts on “August 19-D, 2022

  1. Great read. Being yourself is one of the hardest things we face in life. It starts early in life. If your parents are trying to shape you to be something they envision, you are left confused , anxious? It’s not always easy to fight for yourself if your family views are very strict or if everybody around you acts a certain way and you can’t relate you any of them. Love is acceptance but acceptance is hard for most people. It takes a high degree of emotional intelligence to accept a parent who never accepted you for you you are. I am lucky to be able to say I know myself because I am myself and is that possible because my life partner is amazing and I always stayed true to myself.
    Hope you have a great day.


    1. Hi J! It’s good to be talkin’. Trusting ourselves goes back to the early days. I remember thinking “This is not right,” about some of the things the adults were saying, and trusting my sense of balance over against what they were telling me. It’s good to be able to sink into that still, after all this time. — “Another J”


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