We will never turn life to our way of liking. We take it as it is and do our best to manage the dichotomy between how it is and how we want it to be-- how well we do that depends on the nature of the circumstances. Wanting to be taller (or shorter) is a different problem than wanting to be skinnier (or fatter). Wanting another biscuit is a different problem from wanting another head. We operate within a field of feasibility and possibility, and have to know what we can, and cannot, get by with. And, at some point we are going to be required to accept things as they are. How well we do that, tells the tale.
Things have never been what they need to be, what they ought to be, what they could be. And, we have always had to make the best of what we are given, of what comes our way, of what is there. Some things don't change. And some things do. Our attitude, for instance, can change. Our perspective. The way we look at things. The things we say about things. The way we tell ourselves what's what and what needs to be done about it. Our tone of voice. Our interest in, and determination to, do what needs to be done, when, where and how it needs to be done, anyway, nevertheless, even so. We are in charge of the changes that can be made. That's our call all the way.
We are built to be who we are. The design is unique to each of us. Our work is two-fold, to belong and to stand out. Belonging brings forth aspects of us that standing out would dismiss. Standing out brings forth aspects of us that belonging would dismiss. We manage the task of balancing/harmonizing yin and yang (Pronounced: "yong"). We do that consciously, intentionally throughout our life. Always living to bring ourselves forth in each situation as it arises for the good of the situation as a whole. Balance and harmony, kid, balance and harmony. Something within us knows who we are and who we need to be, and is always working behind the scenes to produce us, against our will, if need by. We get clues to how we need to develop, to how we need to change our mind about what is important, in our dreams, through our intuition and instincts, by experiences with synchronicity and things that attract or repel us. Are we paying attention? Our place is to cooperate with our own birthing into the world of normal, apparent, reality. How cooperative are we being? One great place to get to work on becoming who we are is the experience of falling in love. We can fall in love with people of any gender, with animals, with activities, with inanimate objects (I fell in love with a camera and with a typewriter, and have spent the rest of my life working out what that means for me and for the life I'm living). The necessary response on our part is that when we are whacked out of nowhere with the experience of being in love, to make the subject/object of our affection a subject/object of meditation. What about that person/place/thing do we find attractive? Get to the bottom of it. And work to incorporate the qualities the Other exemplifies into our own way of being in the world. With me, the camera is about seeing, and the typewriter is about saying. When I am seeing/saying, I am being true to my self, and when I am not, I am betraying myself. I am here to see and to say. As I fall in love with other aspects of my experience, I discover different things reflected by the recipient of my affections to be true about me, and I work to incorporate them into my life. Get it? Do it!