When we fall in love with someone, we are falling in love with the aspects of ourselves-- our ideal self--our original self-- that we see reflected in the other person. They remind us of the us we don't know we are. "I see a bit of me in you, but that's not all I love, I love the you that lets me see the me I know not of." We all are narcissistic, egocentric, egotistical, in this way. We are born seeking ourselves, and when we find the right mirror, we think we have found the perfect other, and conveniently ignore all that is Not Us about them. And when something of that appalling truth shines through, we react instantly with, "That isn't who you are!" But, it is exactly who they are. It isn't who WE are! It takes a while to sort out who's who and what's what and where do we go from here. It would help if we knew from the start that everything that arouses/sparks/ignites an emotional response in us-- either positive or negative-- is a mirror reflecting some aspect of us to us, either as "That is who I want to be/wish I were," or "That is who I am afraid I am and do not want to be!" Then we sit down with the mirror in our imagination and commune with the truth of our own reflection, until we can say, "Oh, Peter/Priscilla! THERE you are!" And see where things go from that point, with us, and the Other.
Part (Perhaps the full scope) of our task is communing with the symbols/people/places/things that reflect us to us. We see ourselves in everything that catches our eye, either positively or negatively. Our place is to recognize that and commune with the "Rosetta Stone," until it reveals to us its hidden truth in a "Thou Art That" kind of way. How are you like that? How is that like you? What are the connections? The commonalities? Sit in the silence of your imagination with the person/place/thing and "wait for the mud to settle and the water to clear," and see what arises/appears/occurs to you from within. "Boom!" (As John Madden would say) there you are.